May 2021
Where the stress began
As the title gives it away already - this month I realized that soon I will be going home, the country is opening up and I have the feeling to experience everything I can right in this second. It was quite hard for me to journal, as there was so much going on every day and I was too tired to do it. Thus, my mood was not that great at times, as this daily reflection was just gone. But no worries, I actually got into it again after some time. Connected to that, I had to remind myself to put myself first a few times. Being a people pleaser and stuff, it sometimes is very hard to me, but I'm getting better at seeing it and doing something against it.
Anyways, the gods of the nordic weather were nice to us this month. It's getting warmer and warmer. Yes, of course it rains from time to time, but it's more like a summer-rain-thing. I'm sure you know what I mean: that sudden bursts of rain, that last for 5 minutes or something. You know. But yeah, that's pretty cool.
I finished my JW Anderson cardigan. I repeat: I FINISHED MY CARDIGAN. It was one hell of a ride trying to figure out how to do it best and it took me quite some time, but I'm very happy about the result. Even though the weather is beginning to get warmer here in Denmark and the cardigan is way too thick for now, I think it is perfect for cool summer nights. I'm lookign forward! :)
In my project, everything is going very well. We finally started up again at the end of this month! This means, I can finally exchange my home office with the real deal again. Firstly, it was a little weird and I had to get used to physically being there again, but it didn't take a long time to get there. What's also new is the fact that I am taking the front desk now. Therefore, I sit in the front sometimes, picking up the phone and helping people coming in. And yes, I do that in Danish! I get a lot of compliments for my speaking, which makes me very proud. Finally, I submitted my Youthpass, which is the certificate everyone gets after their ESC. It's something you have to write yourself - about your learnings and gained competences. I had a lot of problems with it, as I "did not brag as much as I could". So I did, and I am free from it now!
I wrote about my summer job at an opera in my previous blog post, and I just wanted to say that I'm already doing some tasks and work for it. Of course it stresses me a bit sometimes, but that's how I am able to realize that life is not on pause anymore.
With my host family it's also going very well. I helped the neighbourhood-community with a working day at the lake in Ollerup, which was quite cool. We made way to the lake look nicer again and it made me happy, as I love to walk there. Also, we celebrated Mother's Day! We made a bonfire, sat outside in the sun (I totally did not get sunburnt) and made dinner together. The nice girl I am, I bought flowers for both of my host mothers. We also went on the island Thuro to take a walk there at one point. I finally also have seen the Danish movie "Druk"/"Another Round", which won, I think, two oscars. I could understand their Danish very well and I really enjoyed the movie. I was also invited to my host mother's little family gather on Jylland, which ended in us finding "Den Genfundne Bro" in Horsens. Sometimes, though, I feel a little guilty or sad about me flying in and out of the house, as Lockdown is over and I'm not used to it anymore. But I got told to just live life and get everything I can out of my last weeks here.
I had several days this month, on which I wasn't particularly homesick, but was so stressed by the planning of the rest of my stay, that I didn't want to do it. I'm not sure if this sentence was understandable at all, but I don't know how to describe it either. It was a very weird and unwell feeling of not wanting to do ANYTHING. Through these thoughts, random waves of extreme stress haunted me throughout the month. They didn't last long, but I got the urge to plan every second and do everything right now. Wow, now that I put words to it it sounds pretty contradictious, but that's how I felt.
Ooooo I made a trip to Aarhus! Some volunteers of my ICYE trainings met up and asked me to join them, so of course I did. It's a pity, that I once again didn't manage to visit Aaros, but it will come, I promise! Nevertheless, we've seen Dokk1, which is an urban media centre in a harbour. It has a library, some exhibitions and generally a lot of things going on there. You don't even park your car - some kind of machine system does it completely for you! Another highlight of this trip was the Gender Museum to me. It was interactive, colorful and full of pride. Did you know, that Astrid Lindgren actually was a full blown activist? I didn't. We also cuddled with some deers in a park and jumped into the sea in our underwear. I'd say it was a successful trip!
One evening will be in my heart forever. Kristyna took me with her to Odense in order to meet some exchange students. We went our for dinner and drinks, which was like the first time in a longer period because of the Lockdown. We were a little group just enjoying life and each other's presence, it was a really ncie experience. That was the moment of me realizing, that Lockdown is over and I can live a little more freely now. It felt GOOD!
Negative:
- stress :)
- time is FLYING
- being mentally quite challenged sometimes
- an awkward feeling of emptiness?
- being extremely affected by and even dependant on the weather
- being scared of leaving Denmark
- overwhelmingly strong feelings in general
- a lot of productive work days
- signing up for my dream university
- my family sending me beer from Austria
- my best friend coming to visit next month
- being very excited about life, besides the stress
- it's bright outside until like 10.30 pm
- partybreaks at the office
- getting a vaccination appointment in Austria
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